Christmas: The Real Story

I loved Christmas. It was my very most favorite time of year. The decorations, the lights, the families coming together, the good-will, and the faces of my kids Christmas morning. I grew up celebrating Christmas, as did my husband. We both knew it was to celebrate the birth of Jesus- that he was the reason for the season, and all that other stuff was just fun. We continued the tradition in our own home. Lights, tree, nativity, stockings, Santa Claus. We saw no harm in it as long as our kids knew the REAL reason we celebrated Christmas. As we grew in our faith and drew our family closer to God, studying His word for truth and answers in our lives, we came to find out that WE as parents and Christians didn’t know the real reason.

We’d always known Jesus wasn’t really born on December 25^th. No one really knows. It was likely the fall or spring because the shepherds were still in the fields with their sheep. Not a big deal, really. What was a big deal was whose birthday we discovered that it actually was. It goes back to the tower of Babel, with the death of Noah’s great grandson- Nimrod’s-execution by his uncle Shem for offenses against God. His wife declared that he had gone to the Sun and was a god, and that

she was the goddess of the moon. Her son (born on or around December 25) Tammuz, she declared, was the sun god reincarnate. Thus began the history of paganism and sun worship. Tammuz  has been given many different names through the centuries and different cultures worshipping him. Baal. Ra. Mithra. Apollo. Helios. Sol. And many, many more. In 273 A.D.,  Aurelian brought the worship of Baal, from Syria, back to Rome, and instituted the cult of Sol Invictus, which combined the worship of all the pagan sun gods into one - "Sol Invictus."  A few years earlier, the Roman emperor Elogabalus had unsuccessfully attempted to make the worship of the sun god Baal the predominant religion in Rome.  The way Aurelian was able to get everyone, with their own specific sun gods, to be happy, was by proclaiming December 25th to be the birthday of Sol Invictus.  They recognized December 25th as the birthday of their own god, therefore they were happy with the new name "Sol Invictus" - The Invincible Sun.  Because of the association with December 25, They recognized Sol Invictus as their own God.

 The Encyclopedia Britannica reports that "The traditional customs connected with Christmas have developed from several sources as a result of the coincidence of the celebration of the birth of Christ with the pagan agricultural and solar observations at midwinter. In the Roman world the Saturnalia (December 17) was a time of merrymaking and exchange of gifts. December 25 was also regarded as the birth date of the Iranian mystery god Mithra, the Sun of Righteousness."

So how did a pagan holiday (holyday) become a holy day for Christians as well? After the death, resurrection and then ascension of Jesus, Christianity was spread like wildfire. Paul and the disciples were at the forefront of bringing the gospel to the world. Christianity began facing persecution heavily by pagan Rome. Several disciples were martyred, as was Paul, under the reign of the Emperor Nero. Christians were tortured, torn apart by lions and burned. Regardless, Christianity boomed. “The blood of Christians was as seed…” Tertullian (c. 160-c.220 AD). The followers of Christ and Christianity grew and grew. When Constantine became emperor, he (though a pagan believer) saw the conflict between paganism and Christianity in Rome. He merged the two in an unholy marriage, under the name of Christianity but retaining pagan customs, such as the pagan feasts, worship of idols, pagan ‘communion’ rites and baptisms. They took the gods and goddesses, changed their names to Jesus and Mary, and erected statues to be prayed to. This was the birth of the Roman Catholic Church. The festival of Sol Invictus on December 25 became Christmas, or “Mass of Christ”. Evidence of paganism is still evident today in the RCC in its buildings, idols, clothing, and doctrines.

Colliers Encyclopedia states "After the triumph of Constantine, the church at Rome assigned December 25 as the date for the celebration of the feast, possibly about A.D. 320 or 353. By the end of the fourth century the whole Christian world was celebrating Christmas on that day, with the exception of the Eastern churches, where it was celebrated on January 6. The choice of December 25 was influenced by the fact that on this day the Romans celebrated the Mithraic feast of the Sun-god (natalis solis invicti), and that the Saturnalia also came at this time."

Today visitors to Bethlehem are taken to a subterranean cave, under the "Church of the Nativity" and are told that Jesus was born there on December 25th.  It was Helena, the mother of Constantine, who declared

The supposed birth place of Jesus (Niche for the idol of
Tammuz-Note the celestial sun Shape)

that site to be the birth place of Christ. Jesus was not born there.  It is a pagan sun worship cave in honor of Tammuz.  The "church" historian Jerome, who wrote the Latin "Vulgate”, tells us that Tammuz was worshipped there.  The back door of his school leads into the temple of Tammuz.  In spite of all these facts, thousands of unknowing Christians bow down and kiss the spot in the niche where the idol of Tammuz was placed.

“Big deal”, you say.” Everyone knows the traditions like the tree and the yule log have pagan origins. What matters is how you personally celebrate it. It draws your family closer to God because you are thinking about Him the most during this time of year.” I tried that one too. Because I desperately did NOT want to give up a holiday so close to my heart.  

Contrary to what so many (I was, and maybe you) are saying these days, it is not "OK" for Christians to "reclaim" pagan symbols and holidays. It is a deception of Satan.  God never allowed Israel to do this, and it is never taught in the New or Old Testament as acceptable.  I am now appalled that professing believers would even suggest such a thing, but apparently there is no end to the lack of reason when once one sets out to justify Christmas traditions at all costs.  Where do we draw the line when once we start to "reclaim" pagan symbols?  Where will this form of logic lead us?

 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 Says clearly: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.”

The Bible also States:

“Take care that you be not ensnared to follow them, after they have been destroyed before you, and that you do not inquire about their gods, saying, ‘How did these nations serve their gods?—that I also may do the same.’ You shall not worship the Lord your God in that way, for every abominable thing that the Lord hates they have done for their gods… “Everything that I command you, you shall be careful to do. You shall not add to it or take from it.” Deuteronomy 12:30-32

Matthew 15:9 – “But in vain they do worship me, teaching [for] doctrines the commandments of men.”

Mark 7:6-9 – “This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do. And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition.”

Ezekiel 20:39- “As for you, O house of Israel, thus saith the Lord GOD; Go ye, serve ye everyone his idols, and hereafter also, if ye will not hearken unto me: but pollute ye my holy name no more with your gifts, and with your idols.”

Jeremiah 10:1-4 “Hear ye the word which the LORD speaketh unto you, O house of Israel: Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers that it move not.”

Our Christian ancestors were not blinded. The celebration of December 25th was illegal in England.  It was outlawed in New England from 1649 to 1658.  The December 25th celebration was condemned for its pagan roots by the Puritans, the Methodists, the Quakers, the Amish, the Presbyterians, and the Baptists. Christmas was only made a legal holiday in Massachusetts after 1856. 1st century believers, taught personally by Christ, did not celebrate His birthday. 2nd century theologians condemned the thought. Only after severe persecution, destruction and inaccessibility of biblical scripture and the blending of pagan doctrine with the worship of God was the Mithraic celebration of December 25th proclaimed to be "Christian" in nature.

That being discovered, and the scales taken off of our family’s eyes, we agreed to remove this pagan holyday from practice within our home.

“Choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15.

Vaccines: A Biblical Study on a Hot Topic

Our family does not vaccinate. The little man received five vaccines on a delayed scheduled before I finally wised up and called it quits. Peter had been trying to convince me from the start. Both he and i had been vaccinated as children- but when i look at the differences between then and now I am appalled- especially with my knowledge now as a midwife on health and how the baby's immune system works and the blood brain barrier, etc . Our reasons come from three things: the Bible, the information coming straight from the manufacturers, and good old common sense.

The first principle is to let God be God. How can we believe that God will keep sickness and disease from us if we get a vaccination "just in case". Let God be God. Evil should never be done to accomplish good. God designed us with a perfectly good immune system already in place. We do not need to improve upon it. If we become ill, we can treat the illness, but you do NOT need to create your own immunity, your body is perfectly able to work on its own by God’s design.

The next principle is that the body is the temple of God. 1 Cor 3:16, 1 Cor 6:19-20 –To inject known neurotoxins into our children or ourselves, which have known health risks, would be a violation of these biblical teachings. There is no scriptural support for injecting poisons or any virus into the bloodstream to cure or prevent disease. The Old and New Testaments, however, are replete with references to keeping the body blemish-free so that we may have abundant life. And to inject SO many, so early-is even more dangerous and poisonous. Vaccine schedules have quadrupled in amount of required vaccines and how soon and often they are injected since when we were children.

We must be very careful with pharmaceutical drugs. Pharmacy comes from the Greek word pharmakeia means witchcraft, sorcery. These are the main meanings: a) the use or administering of drugs b) poisoning c) sorcery, magical arts, often found in connection with idolatry and fostered by it. Some medications are plant based, others synthetic chemicals. It is prudent to research any/all prescriptions that any physician prescribes for you. You cannot trust THEM (whoever THEY are) to give you all of the information, you must search it out for yourself. We only used PLANT BASED (NOT chemically modified plant based-there is a difference) medicines in our home.


One of the 10 Commandments: Thou shall not murder. (Exodus 20:13) Aborted fetal cells are used in several vaccines. The 2 cell lines used in vaccines since the 1960's were developed from 2 aborted fetal cells. Babies. Children. Murdered Children. The fact that the original cells from which the cell lines were developed, were taken under such ghoulish circumstances, should preclude their use by believers. The instruction not to partake of "sacrifices to idols” covers this perfectly. Those babies were sacrificed on the altar of modern medical "science”.

We are not to mix our blood with the blood of animals . (Luke 13: 1-5) states that those who mix human blood with the blood of sacrificed animals are 'sinners.' A conflict arises to using vaccines if you accept God's warning not to mix the blood of man with the blood of animals. This is precisely what pharmaceutical industries do by producing the vaccines in animal tissues.

We are to keep the blood pure: There are 446 references to "the blood" in the Bible. Throughout the Bible, God refers to the sanctity of the blood and the importance of keeping it pure. Would God consider presence of live and dead viruses, foreign human and animal DNA, mercury, aluminum and formaldehyde in our blood---keeping it pure?

God’s ways are not our ways – (Is 55:8)

Children are a gift from God (Gen 33:5) (Psalm 127:3) – That disallows using aborted fetal cell tissue.
Parents are to care for and be responsible for their children. (1 Tim 5:8) Parents, not the government, make decisions for their children. The Comprehensive Child Health Immunizations Act of 1993 made known the fact that there are risks to vaccinations by stating "Vaccine information should be simplified to ensure that parents understand the benefits and risks”.


We should obey God rather than man – (Acts 5:29) Congressional Records (2000 – 2003) have shown that the pharmaceutical companies are more concerned with profit than they are with safety and have knowingly used toxins in the manufacturing of vaccines regardless of the risks.

In the Bible there have been times in history when evil government and government employees have attempted, through force or color of law, to intimidate, harm or destroy the children of God’s people. (Exodus 1 and 2 and Matthew 2). Therefore, if a parent feels that vaccines are not safe, it is their responsibility to defend our children from and individual or government who is attempting to subject our children to those vaccine risks.

We are commanded in Philippians 4:8-9 to think on:
"Whatever things are honest": Dishonesty for each vaccine begins with the unscientific dismissals during pre-licensure experimentations. Honest practice requires nothing less than honest behavior with honest words. A deceitful practice requires nothing more than deceitful words and behavior. There is clearly deceit in the vaccination program.

"Whatever things are of good report": The National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act of 1986 mandated physician reporting of certain vaccine adverse events to the Secretary of the department of Health and Human Services which led to the creation of VAERS. The primary function of VAERS (Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System) is to detect early warning signals and generate hypotheses about possible new vaccine adverse events or changes in frequency of known ones. It relies on physicians to VOLUNTARILY report adverse events. However, there are some limitations according to CDC and the FDA: variability in report quality, biased reporting, underreporting, and inability to determine whether a vaccine caused the adverse even in any individual report. If a physician will not report an event, the parent is able to report on it himself.

The FDA stated that less than 10% of adverse reactions from vaccines are ever reported. It is even possible that LESS than 1% of adverse reactions are reported and taken seriously. CDC put a publication on vaccine induced injuries from 1990-1995. They stated that there were 45,000 vaccine injured individuals. More alarming is the statement that this figure represents less than 1% "due to gross under reporting." Using CDC's OWN data, at minimum, 45,000 x 100=4.5 million vaccine induced injuries. This calculates to 900,000 vaccine induced injuries each year from 1990-1995 minimum.

"If there is any virtue" (moral excellence): Christ is clear on His desires for us to strive for virtue. I ask the body of Christ, what virtue is there in the dishonest vaccination program? What virtue is in the fatally flawed history of vaccines? What virtue is there in schools deceitfully informing parents that vaccines are a mandate without the first option of informed consent? What virtue is there in enforcing parents to inoculate their children with known neurotoxins and claim that their autism, diabetes, asthma, multiple sclerosis...etc have nothing to do with the vaccines? There are contaminates from the animals (monkeys) used in vaccine manufacturing. (polio) The number of simian viruses documented in this vaccine goes up to SV59 presently and may continue to rise. Bound by an agreement with the pharmaceutical companies, the FDA must turn a blind eye to up to 100 viral contaminates per dose. Where is the virtue in that?

We have researched EXTENSIVELY. We have PRAYED extensively. God leads our family- we have listened to Him and he has led us out of the cities, away from death and disease. He blesses those who OBEY HIM. he says to go into remote, rural country places. I'd say a lot of people are ignoring Him, out of convenience  It wasn't easy for us but we did it. He is blessing us as a result. He gave us a child we were told we'd probably never have. Naturally. He has provided us with what we needed. our children are rarely ill. we are rarely ill. we live a fulfilling  provident life of worth and importance. He has lead us to birth our children where they are safest, to treat them with what he provides, and to keep their bodies pure and as temples for Him.

Our western medicine and doctors-while necessary and life saving are not infallible.  Our 2nd leading CAUSE OF DEATH in our country is IATROGENIC death-meaning caused by medical error! We are the most over medicated country in the world. I am well trained in herbs, and that is all we use. Drugs are made not because they are MORE effective than what God provides but because they are PATENTABLE and sellable. Because MAN wants the credit and the money. Ill stick with the medicines, foods, and lifestyle that God made and intended for my family.



That is why we don't vaccinate our children, in a nutshell.  You do whatever you want to do and believe is right for your family, and we will do what we have been led to believe is right. It isn't about who knows more or who is better or who is right and wrong. But when it comes to the lives of my children and the way we live our life- i am turning to the guide He left for us. that's what we go on, plain and simple.Take it, or leave it- but don't try to convince me that we are wrong.

My Family Binder- or otherwise known as my OCD Portfolio (Free Printables!!)

Hey guys! Since its a new year I needed a new calender in my organization binder. What started as a new calender quickly turned into an all-out re-do. And I LOVE IT. Its prettier, its more functional, and I added a couple new things, as well as a seperate emergency info binder.

I made my first binder around the time Raewyn was born early last year. I got a lot of ideas from a whole bunch of different blogs and binders over a period of several months. it was functional, but not super cute by any means. But its been a HUGE help to keeping me on track and organized. Especially with the lifestyle we live- prepping, only going shopping once a month and being so cut off and remote.

Since this remade version is just so pretty i decided that as I made all these updates id erase my info and make a standard, blank copy to share with all of you! *applause* Keep in mind that i originally made this binder for my own personal use so there may be some things that don't apply to your needs specifically. I did try to add stuff to things like the inventory that most households use. my household tends to be a bit more on the greener, crunchier side of things, and i don't need a lot of the groceries or items that a lot of people do since we provide them ourselves. So, forgive me if i missed something. That is why there are blank inventory spaces and a completely blank sheet if you'd rather just fill it out yourself.

These are FREE printables. Download them. Use them. But please don't alter them or try to sell them. They represent hours and hours of my hard work and ignoring the dishes in the sink, and the kids scribbling on the walls. So don't mess with them. Or I will hunt. you. down.  

just kidding.

But really.


I have them here in the order i keep them in my binder. I separate each section with a divider tab, and i keep them in protective sheets. if i have one to be written on, i use a dry erase pen that way i don't have to keep printing them out . :)

Household Binder

Cover Page

Daily Life Section
Daily Planner
Weekly Cleaning list (i like to break up my deep cleaning into a room per day weekly schedule)
 I follow those with my exercise schedule & kids chore charts.

Calender & Events Section
Birthdays & Special Events 1
Birthdays & Special Events 2
January 2013
February 2013
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
July 2013
August 2013
September 2013
October 2013
November 2013
December 2013

Contacts Section
Friends & Family (print out as many as it takes to fit in all your friends and family!)

Inventory Section
Household Inventory
Household Inventory (blank) (You can fill it out yourself)
Pantry Inventory
Pantry Inventory (blank)

Meal Planning & Shopping Section
Menu Planner (I do four at a time for a whole month-that way i know what i need)
Shopping List ( I take mine with me to the store- double sided printing and a staple for the last page)
I keep a zipper pocket with my coupons in this section as well)

Recipes Section
Recipes (Print out as many as it takes to fill out all your recipes! I print out page one for the start of every section- salads, desserts, soups, etc- and then page two for all the subsequent pages.)

Notes Section
Notes Just a place for random things and notes to yourself. :)

Emergency Binder

This binder never leaves my house or its location on the wall unless there is an emergency.

Cover Page

Emergency Information Section
Emergency Info
Medical Information (Print one out for each member of your family-I put a copy of each persons birth certificate, social security card and vaccination card (what very little we have if the person has been vaccinated at all. For kids, i put back to back with the child id page with documents between them)
Emergency Child ID ( I update these every six months-print one out for each child)
Pet info (in case of a lost pet, you need to leave your pet with someone else, or you are bugging out. )

I put marriage certificates, blood type cards, and any other important documents in this binder as well as a digital copy of all my pictures. Basically if i had to LEAVE NOW Id grab my kids, bug out bags and this binder.

 When my grandma had to go in an ambulance and i had to get the kids dressed i took her medical page out and gave it to the paramedics. it was very well appreciated by the ER staff since i couldn't get there until an hour after she arrived and she is deaf.

I also keep all my smoke detector, carbon monoxide detector etc manuals and check sheets in this binder.

Well there it is! I'm working on a few new pages to come soon, ill post them whenever i get them finished! Enjoy guys! I hope this helps you organize your life!

A Morning in the Life (in Pictures)

Good morning! I've been up since the crack of early.  Stayed up waaay too late burning the proverbial 'generator fuel" lol, followed by several trips to the bathroom for Richie. And Grandmas been having some pretty bad dementia lately so i was up about six times with her... Just fell asleep and Peter's alarm went off. Followed by Raewyn awaking bright-eyed and bushy tailed-and promptly climbing on top of Richie and screeching him awake.  Unlike you, however, I cant just stumble into the kitchen and flip on the coffee pot. I have to do this first:

 

 

 

Oh look.  Its fairly warm this morning (yes- this is warm. its usually around 2 degrees). Time is wrong, btw. I was actually doing this at 7 am-ish. and it was colder then, too. So I don boots. Jacket. Gloves. Walk out to the shed.

 

Turn on the solar panels. My husband built our system from scratch- including making the panels. ill do a post about it some other time. Turn on the inverter. (unless of course like this morning the batteries are too low. In which case I go back outside, fill up the generator with gas, check the oil, and pull the cord till it starts. Then turn on the charger. All while half asleep, and freezing).

 

Alright, now that we have electricity, i get the coffee going. Back outside. Get wood, haul it in. Build and relight the fire because it went out at some point and I don't want the kids cold. (Yes-It is our only source of heat.)

 

Drink coffee and turn on PBS for the kids while I slowly start feeling like something resembling a human being. Feed the kids. Feed grandma. Gloves, boots, coat back on. Sneak out the door so Raewyn doesn't freak out.

 

 

Feed bunnies. This consists of bringing them hay, filling up their pellet dishes and giving them new chewing sticks. And switching out their water because its frozen solid.

 

 

Feed the goats. This is a couple pounds of hay and a bucket of sweet feed. Not only do I have to haul it over to their troughs but I have to fight their crazy crackhead antics the whole way from the sweet feed bag. I seriously almost went down a few times and got mauled. I  came out relatively unscathed except a horn to the side and a hoof to my shin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Feed the cat, who has been trying to trip me valiantly the whole time I've been feeding everyone else.

 

 

 

Feed the chickens, who have been following me around trying to eat everybody else's food.

 

 

 

The only one I didn't have to feed was Bronson. Pete brought home this handy dandy thing. (because the stupid chickens kept eating his food)

 

 

 

And my favorite part of the morning: breaking the layer of ice on top of the water troughs. Four- five inches of ice in the cows trough. and yes- i used a maul because its easier. but its still a workout.

 

 

 

Back inside for more coffee, my breakfast, and more wood on the fire, and snuggling with my kiddos.

 

Then back outside to kick everybody's butts because they all want to eat everyone elses food. seriously. The cows eat the goats and chickens food. The goats eat the chicken and rabbits food. The chickens eat the rabbit, cat, dog, and goat food. The dog eats the cat, chicken and goat food (dont ask- i dont know whats wrong with him. he also likes to eat the goat poop). the only ones who eat their own food is the rabbits and the cat.

 

Seriously? Cows eating the goat food. They have a whole field to eat for crying out loud.

 

 

 

Soon as its spring and the babies are here I'm going to have to add milking in the mornings and evenings, and weeding, and watering the orchards and gardens.  Its not the easiest life style in the world, but i feel like its one of the best. It has quality to it .It has lessons of hard work, of responsibility, of providing for yourself.  My kids know where their food comes from. Our work is tangible. We are doing something of real value and I wouldn't change this life for anything. (although as soon as the kids are older, guess who gets to take over feeding for mom?)

Richard Brian- A Hospital Birth Story

It’s been almost four years since my son was born, but I’ve never written down the story of his birth. I was 18 when I became pregnant with him. (He was planned.) My husband and I had just found out that I had stage II endometriosis and that I would very likely have trouble conceiving. I was told that I had to try to conceive for a year before any sort of fertility treatment would be covered. Peter and I both knew from the beginning that we wanted a family, so we started trying right away instead of waiting until we had been married a year as was the previous plan.

I got pregnant the first month of trying. Peter would not believe me or the multiple tests I waved in his face. Since we had just gotten married, my insurance was in a lapse period because I was no longer covered by Tricare since I was married, but I couldn’t get on my husband’s insurance until our marriage certificate came. When I was almost 10 weeks pregnant I totaled my Taurus in an accident with a truck. In the emergency room we saw our son for the first time. Peter changed into a different man in an instant. He was a father the second he saw that tiny heart beating on the monitor.

My pregnancy was fairly easy. My only problem was I had started passing out when I hit my third trimester and had to go on disability from work since they wouldn’t put me on modified and let me sit. Other than that it was pretty regular. When we found out it was a boy we decided to name him Richard after Peter’s father.  (It’s a tradition in their family- Peter’s older brother was named after his grandfather, and Peter was named after his great grandfather.) We chose the middle name Brian after peter’s older brother who passed away at 10 months and after his grandfather.

I had always known I wanted to give birth drug free and breastfeed. That’s how my mom did it, and I’d watched her breastfeed my sisters. But before becoming pregnant id never really looked into what happened at birth. I started to read. I started with What to Expect, then became disgusted and picked up The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. I was amazed. Who knew Epidurals were so dangerous? Who knew they did all these interventions that were unnecessary? I armed myself with a large, heavy duty birth plan. Peter’s friend at work brought up the idea of a water birth, since that is what his wife had done. At first I was against it, until I researched it. Suddenly, I NEEDED a water birth. I called the hospital. No way in hell were they going to let me do that. So I called a midwife. I was only two months away from my due date and she wanted 3500 dollars. It was too much at the time, but looking back on it, it is a decision I will always regret. Peter wanted to go unassisted. I said no way! It’s my first baby! I’d like to be in the hospital if I can’t have a midwife! (I laugh now).

We took a birth class (done by the hospital).  We got lucky and had a DONA doula as our instructor. We were the ONLY ones in the class going natural. We stayed after the last class to ask her lots of questions. She gave us the first hint that we may be up against some opposition. I had thought our wishes would be respected. After all, it’s my body, baby and birth, right?

I went into labor on my due date. (Again, I laugh). I wish we’d waited longer to go in but it was my first baby. I was 3.5 cm when they admitted me.  First thing they wanted to do was hook me up to an IV. I gave the nurse my birth plan and she said, “This is fine, but we have policies and standard procedures, so you are going to have to be flexible for what is best for you and your baby.” I refused the IV. She said. “You HAVE to have the IV. You can’t say no.” I demanded a waiver. She said she could forgo the IV line but I HAD to have a hep lock for emergency.  We fired her and demanded another nurse. That didn’t go over well but we got one that immediately brought me the waivers. When the OB on call came in I told her flat out what I expected. She kind of poo-poo’d me., and told me that if I wasn’t drinking enough water to fill up the bowl in the toilet then she would require an IV. I don’t remember much of her because I hardly saw her. She did however let me do intermittent fetal monitoring for 15 minutes every hour, and then I could get up and walk around. I was doing pretty great. Didn’t hurt that bad unless I was lying down. I didn’t know I was still in early labor. Haha. I labored on my own terms for about four hours.  The OB came in and told me to stop drinking water, I was drinking too much. She checked me and said I was only at four centimeters, and that he was posterior. She told me shed never seen a vaginal posterior birth, that they almost always ended up in c section, and if I didn’t progress in an hour I was going to have to have Pitocin. I cried and cried. I’d done my homework, but not enough to know that my baby would be fine and that the almighty OB was wrong. I was NOT risking my baby’s life trying to avoid c section. I was so young and just coming out of the brainwashed minions that think doctors know all.  She came in 30 minutes later and said she could break my water and see if that would help, or it was Pitocin for sure. I gave in. I know better now, but I gave in then.  Then my Ob informed me her shift was over and she was leaving me with a CNM.

She came in and I handed her my birth plan, which she told me to give the baby nurse, and that should would respect my wishes as well as she could. Then SHE went on an hour lunch. Immediately after she left my contractions went from manageable but requiring concentration to holy hell. Worse, they wouldn’t let me up. They made me lay on my back strapped to the machine from hell (EFM) to watch his heart rate. It dropped. The nurse said “he must be sleeping. Drink some juice to wake him up.” Now I look back and I’m like, “what the f?” (his head had started to descend into the birth canal-which usually causes a drop). I pleaded and begged to be unstrapped and off my back. She refused. I screamed. Other nurses came in and told me to be quiet; I was scaring the other patients. Peter just about killed them. He went to the EFM monitor and unstrapped me himself and helped me to the bathroom while the nurses were sputtering and turning purple. I told him I had to go to the bathroom and peters mom perked up (all her babies were natural too) I was out of it. I got in the shower despite the protests from the nurses and let the water go full blast on my back. It hurt so badly. I was so scared. I thought, “If I’d only been in labor for 7 hours and only got to four and a half cm I still have 7 more hours to go- of THIS pain and worse. I can’t do this!” I started to cry and panic and told peter I wanted an epidural, that I couldn’t do it. (Again, insert laughter here) He was obviously upset and told me I didn’t need one, I could do it. I screamed at him I needed one, That I was sorry, that I couldn’t do it, that I was so sorry….. I felt like a failure. Like id let him down, myself down, my baby down.

He left me with his sister and mom and went to find a nurse. She said she’d get the anesthesiologist but I was required to have an IV for the blood pressure drop associated with Epidurals. I said ok. They hauled me back to the bed, strapped me back down and stuck (I swear) the largest damn needle they could find into my hand with nothing short of maniacal glee. I was writhing, crying, screaming. I was locking up and tensing against every contraction. I felt out of control. I couldn’t breathe. I couldnt force my body to go with it and open my lungs.  i felt like i was throwing up but backwards.I was peeing all over, amniotic fluid was gushing out with every contraction, and it is all a bit of a fog, thank God. Then the nurse said the anesthesiologist would be fifteen minutes. I almost died. No way could I make it fifteen more minutes. Peter had to leave the room he was so upset. He caught the CNM returning. He told her I was getting an epidural and she was surprised. She said id been doing so well. Then she heard my screaming. She ran into the room. Peter said that she said “she wasn’t doing that when I left!” and that she glared at a nurse and asked if they’d checked me since it started acting that way. She threw on some gloves and got half a finger in. All I remember her saying is “It’s time to have this baby! It’s time to push”  

I remember everything going quiet all of a sudden. Like time stood still while I processed it. I couldn’t believe it. I’d only been four cm an hour ago. Peter cried he was so relieved. She broke down the bed, called din the baby nurse and had me hold my legs back in the assumed position (you know the one). Peter helped with one leg; his mom was by my head (I think). And I PUSHED. It felt soooooo much better than trying to hold him in. Until he started to crown. It was like hitting a wall. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t push through it. It felt immovable, painful, and scary. Then the hormones hit and I PUSHED. I pushed and pushed and screamed and pushed some more. Then she said, “Stop pushing and breathe!” and at 5:01 AM January 27, 2009 his head slid out after 8 minutes of pushing, posterior (sunny side up).

 It was a feeling I will NEVER forget. Then I felt him rotate, and one shoulder was born, then the other. She said, “Look at your baby” I looked down and there he was, half in and half out, pausing between the worlds. I reached down and pulled my son out of my body.  I laid him on my stomach and started crying. Peter was crying and so was his mom but I only saw that later in the video. All I could see was Richie. After his first hearty cries he peed all over me.  The CNM left his cord alone like I asked until it had blanched. The peter cut it and I started to nurse him while I delivered the placenta.  They left us alone for about an hour like wed asked then came and got him for the newborn exam. Peter went with him and never let go of him. I was sutured up for a second degree tear in the meantime. He was 7lbs, 9oz 21 inches long.  Then I peed, got into a wheelchair and was handed my son again, and they wheeled me to postpartum.

That was a different horrible experience. I won’t go into that. Let’s just say I was ignored, then woken up all night,  and chastised for feeding him too often, then for not often enough, then for refusing to circumcise him that first day, then for refusing hep b and vitamin k (although the baby nurse had been fine with it and for us refusing the eye ointment). It was awful. But my son was perfect, and beautiful, and all that really mattered. 

 

Months later after I really processed it and did more research I came to the conclusion that I was wronged. My husband was wronged and my son was. We were robbed of the beauty my birth could have been. I was robbed of birthing without fear, without someone telling me I was a stupid, young mother who was harming my child. I wanted to educate others, and to not allow that to happen again to anyone if I could help it. Big plans, I know. But I do what I can, where I can. I am now a midwife. No one is turned down from a homebirth in my practice for inability to pay. I will work with anyone. I will answer any questions. I want everyone to have the birth they want, and deserve, and to experience what I did when I finally and my own homebirth.

A Year Supply of Food and More

How much food do you have in your home at this very moment? Go ahead, go open your pantry and check. Do you have enough to feed your family for a month? How about just a week? Or are you going to have to go to the store by the end of the day so you have what you need for dinner?

 

Just imagine with me. Power is off. All the food in your fridge and freezer is completely gone or spoiled.  You go to the store, but there is nothing left on the shelves. The manager says he doesn’t know when they’ll be able to restock because the trucks aren’t moving. Do you have food at home to feed your family indefinitely? Do you have a formula fed baby- if so do you have enough formula to feed your child until there is more formula, if there ever is? How about diapers, toilet paper, feminine products, water?

This is a very real scenario. Just look at the cities every time a disaster strikes. Look at San Diego when the power was down a whole, what? -24 hours or so? No gas. No water. No heat, no air conditioning. The city was poised on the edge of panic, looting and riot. Are you ready if something like this were to happen where you live-either just a small scale problem or even worse, if the grid gets shut down?

In our home I shop once a month. I buy enough for the whole month plus another half a month every time I go, and have built up quite a large pantry of condiments, cans, baking supplies and pastas. Meats and refrigerated items I only buy by the month since my fridge is tiny, but I have plenty running around outside.  But that is not enough. We are working on our food cache. We want at minimum enough food to feed our family for a whole year, minimum. Here I found a nifty little calculator for the bare bones amounts of stuff we would need:

http://lds.about.com/library/bl/faq/blcalculator.htm

just plug in the number of family members and it spits out an amount. That is a LOT of food. To that number I also added things to my list such as canned tomatoes, spices, powdered cheeses, canned and dehydrated veggies and fruit. It was overwhelming at first, but I broke it down like this:

·         Take every number, and divide it by 12

·         Buy the divided amount every month

Or, you could focus on one or two things and purchase them every month until you are done.

To store them, we buy metallized liners, put them in food-grade five galloin buckets and fill the bag with the dehydrated food- rice, beans, peas, wheat, etc. then we throw in some large oxygen absorbes or some dry ice, press all the air out of the bag and heat seal shut, and put the lid on. easy, and it will store for a verrry long time this way, and it saves money from buying them pre sealed.


Here are some resources we use and found helpful:

Home Storage Center ( everyone is welcome, LDS or not)
http://providentliving.org/self-reliance/food-storage/home-storage-center-order-form?lang=eng

Emergency Essentials (best price I've found for a lot of things and also have materials for storing)
http://beprepared.com/default.asp?&SID=GOOGLE&EID=GLB200703013&gclid=CPWI9cmy3rQCFaN_Qgod9RQAXw

Food Service Direct -Bulk Food & Cans by the Case
http://www.foodservicedirect.com/index.cfm/Bulk_Food.htm

The Ready Store (MRES, all kinds of stuff-if you are military you should be able to get mREs even cheaper)
http://www.thereadystore.com/mre?gclid=CJm3lum03rQCFUjZQgodV38Akg

 

Living in LDS country has been a huge help. We can buy bulk goods from the LDS Church Cannery, plus we are in farming country and can buy wheat and beans straight from the farmers or mills. Plus, who is the leading experts in food storage in this country? All of our neighbors. 

We are currently remodeling a blasted cave on the property for food storage. Its ideal because once closed up it will maintain a constant temp, its sandy, and it is dark with just the right amount of moisture. For most, you'll have to make space in a garage or a shed. 

This is a huge reason we chose this property. Call us crazy but we plan on not relying on the grocery store soon. We really foresee our entire country going down the tubes soon, and we don’t want to be affected by it. Here is our plan- and while I realize that if you choose to live in the city you cannot reproduce this plan to its fullest, but I recommend that everyone gets at least seeds, water and a year supply of food just in case.

Water: We have three huge capacity wells, and three pumps. One is diesel which can be run on something like mineral oil (can be collected from downed transformers-each have about 15 gallons in them) . The second is run by a generator that runs on gas, alcohol, or propane (and methane from poop). The third is solar if all else fails we can walk to the creek. All of our pumps run into a gravity fed cistern system except the solar pump, which runs to a small battery and pressure tank cistern system.

Food: along with the year (or more as we slowly build it) storage, we also have heirloom seeds. Heirloom is important because you can harvest seeds from the garden and plant them again in years to come. Normal hybrid seeds do not do this. Beside that fact, heirloom varieties are much healthier and tastier than the manipulated varieties.  I have several hundred canning jars and supplies including reusable canning lids to save our garden produce, as well as all the fruit from the sixty or so cherry, apple, nectarine, apricot and peach trees and the grape vines.we also know how to root-cellar store these perishable items in the cave to preserve them for several months without refrigeration.

We also have chickens and a rooster so we have dozens of eggs per week, plus chicken meat. They can reproduce and provide us with meat and eggs forever. We plan to add to our poultry turkeys and possibly some broiler chickens as well. The plan is to have a minimum of 50 laying hens plus 5 turkeys.

We have goats. They are a clean meat and also provide milk which can also be used as emergency formula replacement in the event someone comes who has a starving baby or something happens to a breastfeeding mother. Cheeses can also be made and stored in the cave from goat milk. They also reproduce very well.

We have rabbits. While they are not a clean meat, they reproduce very well and will become dog food, cat food and even an emergency source of meat or food for any non Jewish or SDA families. Their skins will become gloves, hats, etc.

We plan on getting a small herd of Dexter cattle. We researched well and settled with this breed for several reasons: it’s a small breed sop it doesn’t eat much, is very docile and handles easily. It can be used not only for meat (in the case of any steers) but is also a fabulous dairy cow. And it is also used as oxen, so it provides labor as well. They can be used top pull carts, wagons, plows, stumps, etc. So we get meat, labor, milk, cheese, butter, cream etc. from the cows.

If all else fails, we have deer and elk all over, as well as bear (although its not a clean meat).

We are getting bees this spring. This provides us with not only a sugar source, a pollination source for our garden and orchards, but also raw honey is a probiotic and combats seasonal allergies as well as being a fabulous antiseptic. We also can utilize the beeswax for eating, for candles,for balms and salves, etc.

 

This is just our food and water plan.

As you can see- a LOT goes into food storage and plans to not just survive but THRIVE if something happens. To go on believing that our country is going to last forever in the state that its in is denial. We are told to prepare. I pray that everyone who reads this really makes an effort to at the VERY LEAST have a month of food at ALL times in their home.  I don’t believe it is a waste of time or our life. Not only is it a better quality of life but I think id rather be wrong and ready than right and not prepared for it. So am I crazy, or are you?

This is The Place We've Been Looking For

While I won’t say exactly where we are (although those who know us probably know) I figure I’ll show and tell a little bit about why we picked this property and how its set up. Our road starts 5 miles outside of a small rural town (our population sign says 2,000-ish but that’s actually covering about 30 minutes in each direction outside of town as well). The towns out here are set up about 20 minutes to an hour apart with NOTHING in between. Not like run-on cities making a really big one. Just a town, hour drive. Town, hour drive.  So when you get to our road, which is dirt and unmarked, you drive approximately 10 miles of winding, steep, completely uninhabited dirt road, dropping around 2,000 Ft. in elevation on the way into the canyon with a pretty sheer drop off one side of the grade.

Once on the canyon floor there are only about 8 families living here, and most are retired- but ALL are either ‘Preppers” or LDS so they are pretty ‘prepped’ as well. Not a single home here is on grid, and only a few have either cell boosters or radio phones. There isn’t a single power line or city water or gas line anywhere down here. It’s a pretty tight-knit group of like-minded people.

 The property we are on is set back into its own smaller canyon within the larger canyon, and completely fenced and gated. We have rock cliffs going up one side, and a creek bed along the other, and behind the fence in the back is nothing but empty canyon, which although being owned by BLM has no access point except through our property.

 

The property is around 70 acres within the fence and there is another hundred acres across the road. There are around 30 mature peach trees, 30 apple trees, four apricots and several cherry, nectarine and walnut trees, as well as a grape arbor spread through two orchards, as well as several acres of alfalfa fields and garden space.  There are three wells- Two are fitted with heavy-duty 8000 kW diesel generators and 150 gallon per minute pumps, and have field irrigation lines. The smaller well has water 15 feet down and has at least 50 gallon per minute capacity, but is currently pumpless. We are installing a solar pump for this well. We have two 1,000 gallon gravity-fed cisterns for every-day use, as well as two 350 gallon cisterns and two 35 gallon cisterns with a pressure tank and 12 volt pump for the winter and emergency water.  For power there is a 4000kw propane generator, and we brought in two gas generators. Peter is currently making a photovoltaic system and a wind turban to replace the generators.

 

The property came with all kinds of plumbing, irrigation, building and scrap materials as well as an assortment of rusted out old trucks and equipment. All of those things are very useful since peter can build or weld anything out them. There are also two large caves blasted out of the sandstone cliffs. One is slightly unstable and used for storage and animal feed, the other we are going to convert to a root-cellar/ shelter to store all of our supplies. There is also a large swimming pool blasted out of the top of a twenty foot ledge in the cliff, so we enjoy that in the summer as well as the fact that it can be used as emergency water.

As for the house-It’s nothing fancy. We chose the property for the property and location. I actually pretty much hate the house, but I’ve conceded to the fact that I’d rather hate the house but be here and safe and fed than to have a beautiful big house like we’d originally planned on before we were married. That being said, it’s a 1970’s single wide converted and added onto. The add on is nice and well done, and the house is securely and permanently set in its foundation. The large covered deck is fabulous and even has an outdoor kitchen (which is where I like to can). It’s a three bed, two bath small little thing, but we fit ok. Our stuff, not so much, but we do. Our only heat is a wood stove, and our living room has large southern facing windows which let in a lot of warmth. Our kitchen has an older-style (probably original to the house) yellow (blehck) gas stove. But, you don’t need electricity to turn it on, no safety switch to kill propane if the power is off, which is a must. I’d like to actually get a newer model or an even older wood-propane combo stove. I haven’t decided yet which way I want to go with it since there are two wood cook stoves here as well. Our fridge was a source of frustration for me at first. Its tiny, its old, its ugly and it smells like old fridge. The attached freezer is the size of a bread box. It’s a 1960s or 70s propane fridge. Id bought a HUGE side by side fridge since I only shop once a month and I like to stock up, but it took so much power we drained our propane tank running the generator the first month, and half my food still went bad. Now I hardly keep anything in it but it’s incredibly efficient and can run on methane (yes-methane from manure) when we get a digester built. I’m also looking into some deep-freezers that run on a solar system battery.

 x

It’s been an adjustment getting used to running out of water and turning on the pump, cutting waaaay back on movies and TV and conserving power, having no cell, internet or 3g coverage at all. I’ve had to say goodbye to my electric dryer (I need a gas one now- been line drying) my massive coffee maker, my big fridge, my microwave, my toaster, my crockpots, my iron, and my blow dryer. When we get our photovoltaic system up then I can bring back some of those things, but I think it’s been beneficial getting along without them. Peter stills gives me the hairy eyeball when I bust out my curling iron, though.

But it’s worth it to live on a property that will not be affected by a loss of power or water, and that is so remote that we don’t have to worry as much about looters, desperate people taking desperate measures, or those taking advantage of the situation to act out violently. Our region is very 2^nd amendment appreciating and very prepared food wise, and that goes triple for this canyon. Our neighbors have 10 years of food stored away and a small armory. We are now set in our live-in retreat location after looking and moving around for the past four years, and now it’s time to start our cache, get some cows to add to our goats and chickens, and start practicing and living our homesteading long-term survival skills.

Raewyn Victoria- An Unassisted Homebirth Story

This is Raewyn’s Birth Story.

My pregnancy was not an easy one– but then getting pregnant in the first place wasn’t either. She is a rainbow baby after four losses and secondary infertility, and a miracle baby due to the diagnosis that I’d probably never have another live birth and that Richie was a miracle himself. Those 9 long months included a cross-country move, then another move, abnormal bleeding for 11 weeks straight, contractions starting at 14 weeks and continuing until 35 weeks, Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction and Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction. Her birth story begins at 36 weeks and two days.

I’d had my last backup MD appointment and my GBS (Group B Strep) screen that morning. That night I had a full on bloody show and the beginnings of stronger contractions. The next three days my contractions were very strong mid afternoon until early morning, but would then cease as the sun came up. It was very discouraging having to deal with the discomfort but i was hoping she would hang on just a little longer.

Sunday we went to Cortez (an hour away) to hit Wal-Mart just in case because there were a few more things that i needed if she came that week. On the way I started getting pretty intense contractions. We ran in, ran out and drove an hour back home a little faster than the speed limit instructed. We got home and I made dinner and watched a movie. The contractions just kept coming stronger and stronger. We called our parents just as a heads up. I got very little sleep that night because the contractions kept waking me. The sun came up–everything stopped. I came downstairs and i just cried. I was so discouraged and tired. I didn’t mind waiting for her and preferred her to be more developed, but I just wanted the prodromal labor to stop. i was sore and tired and i just wanted to stop getting excited and then be disappointed. I was mad at myself for even being excited–im a midwife and I tell my clients all the time not to expect anything. it will happen when its meant to.

The day passed with no contraction activity whatsoever and I just spent the day getting on with the things that had been neglected around the house. Around 5pm i had a loose bm. I told Peter but refused to think it was a sign of ANYTHING except that maybe something I ate was off. We ate and went to bed. Peter and I got to have a little “us” time because Richie slept in his own bed for the first time in two weeks (He’d had bronchitis).

Five minutes after we’d settled to go to sleep I was hit with very intense, very strange contractions. I still refused to think anything of it. They continued for almost an hour becoming stronger and then tectonic (which worried me). I checked her heart tones with my doppler and she wasn’t showing any signs of distress so I tried to sleep. I couldn’t. I had to pee. For the fourth time in an hour. Bad. At 11:40pm I waddled down the stairs and into the bathroom, sat down and let it go. I was still leaking fluid but i didn’t think I was peeing anymore. I hollered for Peter to bring me my amnicator swabs. I tested and gaped at the swab like an idiot. BLUE. Positive for amniotic fluid. I threw on a pad, did a shaky little dance and called up my mom who got my sisters up and got ready to come over. Peter called his parents but they couldn’t make it because Flagstaff had just gotten a couple of feet of snow and it was between them and us.

We scrambled to get things set up because my contractions were still very close together. My mom and sisters came and settled down to watch a movie while I settled into my labor. It was pretty normal and classic labor most of the night. I switched from walking to lunges to stairs to kneeling and hugging my birth ball while Peter pushed on my back. That was my place right there. We did that for a long time. Around two in the morning I got into the pool and it. Felt. Great. I hung out in there until around 5:30am- and then decided to get out because my labor was starting to stall. The sun was coming up. Greeeeat. I wasn’t AS discouraged because my water had broken so I knew it was ‘for real’ this time.



I decided to go take a little nap because I was so exhausted and the contractions had eased off enough to allow me to do that. I slept for about an hour and thirty minutes, then went downstairs to eat and say good-bye to my sisters who were leaving for school. After I’d rested and eaten I walked around and paced the house and stairs for about two hours. Contractions still weren’t doing much. They were there but pretty dysfunctional. We decided to do a cervical check. 4cm, 70% effaced, +1. Not much progress at all. I’d started at 4cm. I Started to worry because I’d stalled with Richie at 4cm as well and ended up having an AROM after only 8 hrs of labor by an impatient OB. I started to doubt myself.

Peter put my head back into its right place and i decided to try some gentle nipple stimulation to pick things up a bit. After an hour i was getting pretty intense contractions again but they weren’t lasting very long, so Peter and I bundled up and went out side to walk and enjoy the 30 degree first day of spring. we walked all over the yard (3 acres we had a lot to walk around on) I swear it was just the fresh air and the release of stress and change of scenery just as much as the walking but I quickly settled back into a normal, more functional labor pattern.

We came back inside and I found my comfort spot in my laundry room for some reason (I wasn’t surprised though, Ive delivered babies in closets and other strange places before). I paced and rocked and rolled in there for several hours and ate some frozen blueberries. I was so tired. Exhausted, actually. I’d been on my feet or on knees moving for my whole labor except for an hour and a half when I was sleeping or when I was sitting on the toilet. I went upstairs and tried to sleep. I only got about thirty minutes. We did another check at 1:30pm. 5cm, posterior cervix– so her head was in front of the cervix not dilating evenly or efficiently, and I had a hanging bag of amniotic fluid really cushioning it. We were 15 hrs since my water broke the first time and I was just hardly running on anything. I couldn’t sleep because I was having strong enough contractions. But they still weren’t very efficient even with all the tricks I had up my sleeve. We made the decision to do an amniotomy to try to get her head to dilate the cervix more efficiently and evenly.

I felt her move into a better position almost immediately. Relieved, I went back into my laundry room and waited for the inevitable intensity spike that follows. I stared to really sound out my contractions. So much so that Richie kept stopping what he was doing to “come check on mama”. I kept reassuring him i was fine. Peter started getting excited (he had started to worry about having to transfer) and kept saying, “Now this sounds right. This sounds familiar” Poor guy would try to leave me for a second to go to the bathroom or try to fill them pool and id be hollering “I need you I need You come Back HURRY!” I was terrified to have to do a contraction without having him to hang off of but I wasn’t about to leave the laundry room. He hardly got a break to eat or sleep or go to the bathroom. I was either hanging off of him, calling him, or he was filling the pool or getting me a drink or monitoring the baby’s heart tones. I got to a point where I just started sobbing between two contractions and was smacking at the window in the back door and saying “I’m done, I’m done…somebody else can finish this”. That was our cue to make sure the pool was filled. You’d think it was a classic transition.



While Peter was filling the pool I had to manage a few contractions by myself and I just sang through them the best I could. Without Peter I had no way else to get myself to stay open and not clench up around the pain. I really surprised myself, pacing and singing through a contraction. So different from Richie’s birth in a hospital bed.

The pool was full and ready at around 3pm. I gratefully got in. It didn’t do much at that point unfortunately. The pain I was having was just like my back labor during transition with Richie, but right above my pubic bone. I was in agony. Peter was getting stressed because it was just him having to monitor her heart tones and watch me while having to try to be my support at the same time.  He kept me grounded. I was clawing at him to help me and support me and just keep me present–my body just felt broken– like she would never come out. We did a check at 3:10. I was dilated completely except for the anterior lip. Being a midwife and having dealt with cervical lips in other women, I knew what that meant but i was in so much pain at that point I was unreasonable and wouldn’t let Peter touch me (except to cling to him). I tried position change and light pushes first- no help. After I thrashed through a few more contractions Peter managed to talk me into allowing him to hold the lip back. That was 3:19 pm.



As soon as he did that, I got another contraction that started out as the others then immediately changed and I felt her plowing through the birth canal. That instant my mom walked in (she’d taken Richie outside because I was starting to really upset him) to ask if she had time to pick up my sisters. Nope. I said, “she’s coming NOW!” or something like that and she asked if I wanted it on video. “I hollered “I don’t care!” (I’m so very glad she did). It happened so fast Peter thought I was trying to fight it but I was just trying to slow the crowning down so I wouldn’t tear or tear as badly. 3:20pm her head was born, followed immediately by the rest of her body.

She was conceived together alone by Peter and I, she was born into our hands together and together we alone brought her up out of the water. After the initial, “oh my baby’s” the first thing out of my mouth was “Richie missed it!” (crying) He was sitting outside in my mom’s car eating goldfish crackers still! Peter ran outside and grabbed him. He didn’t know what to think of her. She was purple pink and covered in vernix and I was crying. And he was still eating his fish so he was busy.



When she slid out she was followed by a few large clots that were hidden beneath me, but about two minutes after she was born the pool flooded with blood and huge clots. I noticed it and Peter looked at it and asked if it was normal (I’d mentioned the pool looks pretty bad when the placenta is born and not to freak out) And that he’d noticed the clots when she had come out initially. I hadn’t had any signalling cramps or pressure so I felt Raewyn’s cord. It was still very thick and profusing strongly. I said that it certainly wasn’t that I needed to get out of the pool immediately. I was very glad at that point I’d gone over what to do if I hemorrhaged with Peter beforehand because it took me a minute to actually realize what was happening and respond. Since we’d had her downstairs since I have no bathroom upstairs, and I’d told peter to not worry about dragging a bed down, my mom and Peter scrambled to lay down some towels and chux pads on the tarp on the floor. They helped me out and down, and covered us both with towels. Peter worked Raewyn’s legs on my stomach while I did nipple stimulation. I had anti-hemorrhagics ready if that wasn’t good enough. Raewyn latched on at 6 minutes postpartum. It took about 12 minutes for her cord to blanch and about 16 for the placenta to detach and be born. Meanwhile we got the bleeding pretty well under control.



Initial postpartum bleeding while I nursed for the first two hours was a heavier than normal but well manged. I was glad id been taking RRL, nettles, oats and alfalfa the last month before she was born, and had thought to pick up some chlorophyll as well. I was pretty weak and dizzy for the first four days but I didn’t need a transfusion or iv fluids and my iron levels went back up faster than expected. I had a very minor superficial perineal tear (thank goodness- I didn’t want to have to transfer for a stupid tear since I cant really suture myself up lol) and two minor labial skids. no sutures needed. The placenta was abnormal- circumvallate and had a battledore marginal insertion. that combined with my congenital uterine defects is likely what caused the partial abruption and hemorrhage.



Raewyn was born at home, unassisted ; 6lbs. 12 oz, 21.5 inches long born at 3:20 pm on 3/20/2012 after about 17 hours of labor, over two years of trying, 4 losses, several tests and procedures with several different OB/GYNs and endocrinologists, lots of herbs, hormone tracking and regulation, tears, and most importantly prayer, and finally putting it into God’s hands.

God is amazing. And he has a plan for our lives. Peter and I wouldn’t be where we are today if it weren’t for all that we’ve been through. We are so blessed with our two miracle babies, And Raewyn’s birth has healed so much of the trauma of Richie’s birth even though physically and emotionally her birth was very very hard for me. It healed so much of the pain I held in my heart and mind from my body destroying the life of the four before her. I can bear and sustain life still and I am not broken. Even when the odds were so incredibly against us, and there is no way anything that I did could have possibly made her being here possible. God can make the impossible possible and the proof of that just spit up all over me.